I’m currently on day 8, feeling very slow to emerge from inner winter. This past moon time retreat was so deep and powerful that I feel like I am still integrating it all.
One of my favorite things about having a practice of menstrual cycle awareness and cycle tracking is that there is never any stagnancy.
While there is much more of a predictability to my experience of my cycle and how I feel on each day, the overall nature of it is still dynamic. This dynamic nature asks for presence as to how each day is showing up, every single cycle.
I never tire of this experience
Here is an excerpt from day 3 of my bleed. Realizing yet again the power of leaning into and moving towards whatever is arising. To me this is true spiritual work. The ability to be with and embrace it all.
Day 3 entry:
"I feel like I’m in the void. I’m in such a deep place of letting go, immersed in the chambers of separation and surrender. I’m in that familiar place of loneliness, sadness and even a little bit of “depression”.
I hit this point of transition pretty much every single time I bleed, a sure sign that the waves of renewal are soon to settle in. It really is a sacred place.
A place that I learn how to be with my uncomfortable feelings without labeling, identifying or turning them into anything. I simply allow myself to be suspended in them and with them, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
In the surrendering to and not wallowing in, nor running from, I realize that it is ultimately just another sensation. Another emotion of experience that at some point along the way got labeled as bad, icky and must be avoided, resisted or moved through as quickly as possible so that I can get back to the feel goods. The more preferred and seemingly pleasant sensations.
What if I dropped all the labels and ideas around these states being unpleasant or uncomfortable and thoroughly enjoyed the shit out of them just like I do the states of love, bliss, joy and expansion?
Could I learn to enjoy them just as much and have it all be part of being alive in this human experience?
For I know that joy and sorrow, pain and pleasure, bliss and fear are all intimately connected
Is it the case, that the extent to which I resist my sadness, pain and fearful states that I am ultimately robbing myself of how much joy, bliss and sheer pleasure I can experience?
What if instead of resisting and labeling certain states as less desirable, I allowed all of it to be there in equal capacity and enjoyment?
Is the key to receiving even more bliss found within allowing all of my sorrow completely free of any judgement?
What if I gracefully allowed the states of sorrow and sadness as much as I do states of joy and bliss? How might my world and the world at large change if more and more of us learned to do this?
It is within my sorrow and loneliness that I find union with all things. For I am not either of them. Just like I am not joy and bliss.
I am infinite source consciousness having a human experience, learning to love all that is
This is the path of freedom. This is the path of sovereignty. I am all of it and it all just is. Beautifully co-existing in oneness."
Here’s to loving all that is and becoming fully alive xoxo